Marriage
Obergefell v. Hodges (2015) required every state to license and recognise same-sex marriages, and the Respect for Marriage Act 2022 added federal statutory protection for recognition. Age rules remain state matters: most set 18 with exceptions, though a growing number of states have removed exceptions entirely.
Key points
| Age | 18 in most states, with parental or judicial exceptions; several states now allow no exceptions |
|---|---|
| Polygamy | Prohibited in every state; bigamy is a criminal offence. |
| Licence | Issued by the county; waiting periods range from none to several days |
| Residency | Not generally required — destination weddings are common |
| Same-sex marriage | Nationwide since 2015, with federal recognition protection since 2022 |
| Officiants | Judges, clergy and, in many states, anyone ordained online |
| Common-law marriage | Still recognised in a small number of states, and in others only if validly created before abolition |
| Prenuptial agreements | Enforceable in all states subject to disclosure and fairness requirements |
| Licence then ceremony | The licence must be obtained before the ceremony and returned afterwards |
| Licence expiry | Licences lapse, commonly after 30 to 90 days |
| Waiting periods | Some states impose a short wait between licence and ceremony |
In practice
- Apply for the licence in the county where you will marry, within its validity period.
- Check whether the officiant must be registered locally.
- Return the signed licence for recording — the marriage is not registered until this is done.
- Consider a prenuptial agreement if either party has business interests or children from a previous relationship.
- Confirm that the officiant will return the licence for recording: that step creates the record.
- Order certified copies once recorded; you will need several.
Cost and coverage
Licence fees are typically modest; some states reduce the fee for couples who complete premarital counselling.
Recent changes
Efforts to abolish remaining minor-marriage exceptions have succeeded in a growing number of states, though the rules still vary widely.
Where to go
- County clerk's office where you intend to marry.
- State vital records office for certified copies.
- Unchained At Last, for those facing a forced or underage marriage.
Worth knowing
Common-law marriage is widely misunderstood: in most states, living together for years creates no marriage at all, and in the few that recognise it, specific requirements must be met. Marriage law is entirely state-based, and requirements for identification, residency and officiants vary. Check the county, not just the state.
The general article: Marriage · Compare with another country
Partnerships and cohabitation
No national cohabitation regime: a few states still recognise common-law marriage, and domestic partnership survives locally.
There is no federal law of cohabitation. A small number of states still recognise common-law marriage — Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, Texas, Utah and the District of Columbia — with strict requirements. Several others recognise such marriages if validly created before abolition. Domestic partnerships persist in some states and cities, mainly for benefits.
Key points
| Common-law marriage | Recognised in a small number of states; requires agreement to be married, cohabitation and holding out as married |
|---|---|
| Effect | Where valid, it is a full marriage: only divorce can end it |
| Domestic partnership | Available in some states and municipalities, mainly for health benefits |
| Cohabitation generally | No property sharing or support rights in most states |
| Palimony | Contract-based claims recognised in some states following Marvin v. Marvin |
| Same-sex couples | Marriage available nationwide; some registered partnerships were converted automatically |
| Once valid, valid everywhere | A common-law marriage validly formed is recognised in other states |
| Cohabitation agreements | Generally enforceable as contracts |
In practice
- Sign a written cohabitation agreement — in most states it is enforceable as a contract.
- Title property deliberately: joint tenancy, tenancy in common, or sole ownership each has different consequences.
- Execute wills, powers of attorney and health care directives: an unmarried partner has no default authority.
- Update beneficiary designations on retirement accounts and life insurance.
- Put a cohabitation agreement in writing; oral promises are hard to enforce in most states.
- Name your partner explicitly on retirement accounts and insurance: default beneficiaries are relatives.
Cost and coverage
Agreements and estate documents cost a few hundred to a few thousand dollars depending on the state and complexity.
Recent changes
Several states have abolished prospective common-law marriage in recent decades, so the map is narrower than it once was — but existing common-law marriages remain valid.
Where to go
- State bar lawyer referral services.
- Court self-help centres for estate documents.
- Legal aid organisations for low-income households.
Worth knowing
If you live in a common-law marriage state and hold yourselves out as married, you may already be married — with all the consequences, including the need for a divorce to separate. Beneficiary designations override wills. For unmarried couples, updating them is more important than the will itself.
The general article: Partnerships and cohabitation · Compare with another country
Same-sex marriage
Marriage nationwide since Obergefell in 2015, and protected by federal statute since 2022.
The Supreme Court held in Obergefell v. Hodges in June 2015 that the Constitution requires states to license and recognise same-sex marriages. In December 2022 Congress passed the Respect for Marriage Act, which repeals the Defense of Marriage Act and requires federal and interstate recognition of marriages validly celebrated elsewhere — a safeguard adopted precisely because the constitutional ruling could be revisited.
The American picture is layered rather than uniform: a constitutional decision, a federal statute, and fifty state legal systems that still diverge on parenthood, surrogacy and discrimination outside work. For a binational couple the practical consequence is that the answer to almost every question is state-specific, and that the documents worth having are the ones that travel — an adoption order rather than a birth certificate.
Key points
| Marriage | Nationwide since Obergefell v. Hodges, June 2015 |
|---|---|
| Federal statute | Respect for Marriage Act, December 2022 |
| Interstate recognition | Required by the 2022 Act regardless of where celebrated |
| Adoption | Available in every state; step-parent adoption widely used |
| Parenthood | Presumption of parentage varies by state; a confirmatory adoption is often advised |
| Surrogacy | Regulated state by state, from fully supportive to prohibited |
| Discrimination | Employment covered federally since Bostock, 2020; other areas vary by state |
In practice
- Even where a birth certificate lists both parents, a second-parent or confirmatory adoption is widely recommended: an adoption order must be recognised in every state and abroad, a birth certificate need not be.
- Check the surrogacy law of the specific state, not of the country: the differences are extreme.
- Outside employment, protection against discrimination depends entirely on state and local law.
Cost and coverage
A marriage licence costs roughly thirty to one hundred and fifty dollars depending on the state. A confirmatory adoption typically costs one to three thousand dollars including legal fees — widely regarded as worth it.
Recent changes
The Respect for Marriage Act, signed in December 2022, guarantees federal and interstate recognition of same-sex marriages and repealed the Defense of Marriage Act.
Where to go
- County clerk's office, for the marriage licence.
- Family court of the state, for confirmatory or second-parent adoption.
- State human rights commission, for discrimination outside employment.
Worth knowing
The Respect for Marriage Act requires recognition of existing and out-of-state marriages, but it does not by itself require every state to issue licences if the constitutional ruling changed. That is the precise limit of the protection.
Frequently asked questions
Why get a confirmatory adoption if both parents are on the birth certificate?
Because a birth certificate is an administrative record, while an adoption order is a court judgment entitled to full faith and credit in every state and generally recognised abroad. Lawyers advise it precisely for couples who move or travel.
What does the Respect for Marriage Act actually do?
It requires the federal government and every state to recognise a marriage that was valid where celebrated, and repeals the earlier federal definition of marriage. It does not compel a state to issue licences if Obergefell were overturned, which is why it is described as a floor rather than a guarantee.
The general article: Same-sex marriage · Compare with another country
Religious ceremony
There is no separate civil ceremony: clergy solemnise legally valid marriages, but a state marriage licence must be obtained first.
Every state authorises members of the clergy, alongside judges and other officials, to solemnise marriages. The religious ceremony is the marriage. What makes it legal is the marriage licence, issued by a county or state office before the ceremony, and the return of the completed licence for recording afterwards. Rules on waiting periods, licence validity and who may officiate vary state by state.
Key points
| Licence first | Issued by the county clerk or equivalent before the ceremony |
|---|---|
| Officiant | Clergy, judges and others authorised by state law |
| Waiting period | Some states impose one between licence and ceremony |
| Licence expiry | Licences lapse after a set period, often 30 to 90 days |
| Return and recording | The signed licence must be returned, usually within days |
| Online ordinations | Accepted in most states, contested in a few |
| Self-uniting marriage | Permitted in a small number of states without an officiant |
| Return deadline | The licence must be returned within days in many states |
In practice
- Confirm the officiant's authority in that specific county before the ceremony.
Where to go
- County clerk or recorder of deeds.
- State vital records office for certified copies.
- Officiant, to confirm they may solemnise in that state.
Worth knowing
The one step people forget is returning the signed licence for recording. Until it is recorded there is no official record of the marriage, and certified copies cannot be issued. An officiant ordained online has been challenged in a handful of jurisdictions. Where there is doubt, a brief civil ceremony removes the risk entirely.
The general article: Religious ceremony · Compare with another country
Wedding customs and ceremonies
The rehearsal dinner, the processional, and a reception built around a sequence of set moments.
American weddings are highly sequenced. A rehearsal dinner precedes the day; the ceremony follows a processional order with a wedding party of bridesmaids and groomsmen; the reception then runs through a fixed series — grand entrance, first dance, parent dances, toasts, cake cutting, bouquet toss, last dance.
American weddings are built around a sequence of set moments, and the running order is more standardised than in Europe: rehearsal dinner the night before, processional with bridesmaids and groomsmen, officiant — who may be a friend ordained online — vows, recessional, cocktail hour, first dance, parent dances, toasts, cake cutting, bouquet toss, send-off. Guests generally give from a registry rather than cash.
Key points
| Rehearsal dinner | The evening before, for the wedding party and close family |
|---|---|
| Wedding party | Bridesmaids and groomsmen, with named roles |
| Processional | Set order of entry, rehearsed in advance |
| Unity ritual | Candle, sand or handfasting, chosen by the couple |
| Toasts | Best man and maid of honour, at the reception |
| Cake cutting | A photographed moment in its own right |
| Registry | Gift lists are the norm and are expected, not presumptuous |
In practice
- A gift registry is standard practice and considered helpful rather than grasping.
- Marriage licences are issued locally and often expire within weeks: time it carefully.
- The wedding party carries real duties, including cost: ask before appointing anyone.
- Regional and community traditions vary enormously across the country.
What it costs
The average US wedding runs around $30,000 to $35,000, with wide regional variation; New York and California are far higher. The marriage licence itself costs between roughly $30 and $150 depending on the state.
Recent changes
Online ordination of friends to officiate has become mainstream, though a few states restrict it; micro-weddings and weekday celebrations have persisted as a way of controlling cost.
Frequently asked questions
What is a rehearsal dinner?
A dinner the evening before for the wedding party, close family and out-of-town guests, following a run-through of the ceremony. It is traditionally hosted by the groom's family. If you are invited, it is a genuine event, not a formality.
Should you give money or a gift?
A gift from the couple's registry is the default in most of the country, though cash is normal in some communities and regions. Check whether a registry exists — couples expect you to use it, and buying off-registry is mildly frowned upon.
The general article: Wedding customs and ceremonies · Compare with another country
Matrimonial property and inheritance
Community property in nine states, equitable distribution elsewhere, and an elective share protecting surviving spouses in most states.
Marital property law is state law. Nine community property states in principle divide marital property equally (on divorce, strictly so only in California, Louisiana and New Mexico); the rest apply equitable distribution. On death, most states protect the surviving spouse through an elective share, typically a third of the estate. Louisiana is the only state with forced heirship, limited to children under 24 or with disabilities.
Key points
| Community property states | Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin |
|---|---|
| Equitable distribution | All other states: fair rather than necessarily equal |
| Prenuptial agreements | Enforceable subject to disclosure, voluntariness and, in some states, fairness |
| Elective share | Protects a surviving spouse against disinheritance in most states |
| Children | No forced heirship outside Louisiana: children can generally be disinherited |
| Probate | State process; living trusts are widely used to avoid it |
| Federal estate tax | Applies only above a very high exemption; several states levy their own estate or inheritance tax |
| Two systems | Nine community property states; the rest apply equitable distribution |
| Beneficiary designations | Retirement accounts and life insurance pass outside the will |
| Probate avoidance | Living trusts are widely used to avoid a slow probate process |
In practice
- Check whether your state is community property — it changes everything about ownership during marriage.
- Use beneficiary designations and, where appropriate, a revocable living trust to avoid probate.
- Keep inherited property separate and un-commingled if you want it to remain separate property.
- Review documents after any move: moving between community property and equitable distribution states has real consequences.
- Update beneficiary designations after any marriage, divorce or death — they override the will.
- Consider a revocable trust if you own property in more than one state.
Cost and coverage
Estate planning packages cost a few hundred to a few thousand dollars; probate can cost far more.
Recent changes
State estate and inheritance taxes have been repealed in many states but persist in others, so residence at death matters significantly.
Where to go
- State bar referral services and certified estate planning specialists.
- County probate court self-help resources.
- State treasurer or comptroller for unclaimed property searches.
Worth knowing
Beneficiary designations beat wills. A retirement account or life insurance policy still naming a former spouse will pay out to them, whatever the will says. Owning real estate in a second state usually means a second probate. A trust or a transfer-on-death deed avoids it.
The general article: Matrimonial property and inheritance · Compare with another country
Divorce
Divorce is governed by state law. Every state offers a no-fault ground, though many retain fault grounds that can affect alimony in some jurisdictions. Nine states apply community property, in principle dividing marital property equally (strictly so only in California, Louisiana and New Mexico); the rest apply equitable distribution, which is fair rather than necessarily equal.
Key points
| Grounds | No-fault available everywhere — irreconcilable differences or irretrievable breakdown |
|---|---|
| Residency | Most states set a minimum residence period, from six weeks to a year; Washington, Alaska and South Dakota require only residence on the day of filing |
| Community property states | Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin |
| Equitable distribution | All other states: division based on fairness, considering contributions, duration and needs |
| Alimony | Varies widely; duration often tied to the length of the marriage |
| Child support | Calculated by state guidelines, generally income-based |
| Retirement accounts | Divided by a qualified domestic relations order |
| State law | Grounds, residency and property rules differ entirely between states |
| Residency period | Most states require a minimum period of residence before filing; a few require only residence on the day of filing |
| QDRO | A separate court order is needed to divide most retirement accounts |
| Child support guidelines | Calculated by state formula, with limited discretion |
In practice
- Check the residency requirement before filing — filing in the wrong state wastes months.
- Uncontested divorces can be completed with court self-help forms in most states.
- A QDRO is needed to divide a pension or 401(k): the divorce decree alone is not enough.
- Consider mediation or collaborative divorce, which most courts now encourage.
- Check the residency requirement before filing: filing too early is the most common procedural failure.
- Have the retirement order drafted by a specialist; plan administrators reject defective ones routinely.
Cost and coverage
Filing fees of a few hundred dollars; contested litigation can run into tens of thousands. Court self-help centres and legal aid exist in most states.
Recent changes
Several states have debated restricting no-fault divorce in recent years, without enacting change so far — a development worth watching.
Where to go
- State court self-help centres, which provide free forms and guidance.
- State bar lawyer referral services.
Worth knowing
The single most common mistake is assuming the divorce decree divides retirement accounts by itself. It does not — the separate order must be drafted, approved and served on the plan administrator. Dividing a pension or retirement plan requires a separate qualified order. A divorce decree alone will not move the money.
General sources
- USA.gov — official guide to government services
- Congress.gov — federal legislation