How people meet, country by country

Three broad ways, and a world that is tipping

For most of human history, meeting a partner was a family affair: parents, uncles and matchmakers chose. The "love marriage", in which two people choose each other alone, is a recent invention of Europe and North America, generalised in the twentieth century and still a minority in much of the world. Today three systems coexist: meeting arranged by the family (South Asia, parts of the Middle East and Africa), meeting through the social circle — friends, studies, work, parties, places of worship — and meeting online, now the first route in rich countries: in the United States 39% of heterosexual couples formed in 2017 had met on the internet (Rosenfeld, Stanford), ahead of friends and bars; in the UK about a third of recent couples say the same. The page How people meet details the figures; this one goes round the world.

First date in a café: a man and a woman shake hands, slightly shy — In a café, a man and a woman shake hands, a little shyly, on a first date. In wealthy countries, meeting online has become the main route: in the United States, 39% of heterosexual couples formed in 2017 had met on the internet, ahead of friends and bars.

South Asia: the arranged marriage, modernised

In an Indian living room, two sets of parents share tea while two young adults talk by the window — In India, parents preselect, but the future spouses meet and can say no.

In India more than nine marriages in ten are still arranged (93% in the 2018 Lok Foundation–Oxford survey; 3% "love marriages"), but arrangement has changed face: parents pre-select, the future spouses meet, talk, and can say no — the "semi-arranged" marriage. The matrimonial columns of the Sunday papers have given way to matrimonial sites — Shaadi.com (1997), BharatMatrimony, Jeevansathi — where it is often the parents who create the profile and filter by religion, caste, region, horoscope and income. Western-style dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Aisle) exist in the big cities but remain marginal and discreet; marrying outside one's religion is still rare, exposed to family hostility and, in several states, to "anti-conversion" laws that complicate the union. In Pakistan marriage is arranged in the overwhelming majority of cases, often within the extended family — nearly one marriage in two unites cousins — through rishta aunties and "zaroorat rishta" adverts; Tinder, Grindr, Tagged, Skout and SayHi were blocked in September 2020 by the telecoms authority for "immoral content". In Bangladesh the ghotok (matchmaker) remains central; in Sri Lanka matrimonial adverts state caste and horoscope, whose compatibility (porondam) an astrologer checks before any meeting. In the British and North American diaspora, the same sites and the same family networks operate, alongside "Asian speed dating" and events such as Sikh and Hindu singles nights.

Middle East and Gulf: family first, apps in secret

In an Anatolian living room, a young woman offers Turkish coffee to a suitor who came with his parents — In Turkey, the kız isteme: the suitor's family comes to ask for the young woman's hand while she serves the coffee; nearly half of marriages still go through the families.

In Saudi Arabia meeting goes through mothers and sisters, who spot a candidate at women's weddings and organise the shawfa, the permitted "look" between future spouses in the presence of the family; mixing has opened a little since 2019 (concerts, restaurants) and apps are used discreetly, but any relationship outside marriage remains punishable. In Iran all foreign dating apps are blocked; the state launched its own in July 2021, Hamdam ("companion"), the only one allowed, which requires an identity document, a psychological test and parental approval, with the stated aim of marrying the young and raising the birth rate; temporary marriage (sigheh) also gives a legal frame to short relationships. In Egypt the gawaz el-salonat — the "living-room marriage", where the suitor is received by the young woman's family in the salon — remains the classic route, with the khatba (matchmaker); urban youth use Facebook and apps, but the police also use them to entrap gay men. In Turkey meeting through the families, görücü usulü, still accounts for nearly half of marriages according to the statistics institute's family-structure survey, especially in Anatolia; then come the kız isteme (the formal request to the parents), the söz and the engagement. In Israel the ultra-Orthodox world marries by shidduch, with a shadchan and a few chaperoned meetings; the rest of the country lives Western-style, apps included.

East Asia: when the state and the parents step in

In a Tokyo izakaya, three young men and three young women dine facing each other around a low table. — In Japan, the gōkon, a dinner with equal numbers of men and women, has replaced the omiai arranged by a go-between.

Japan. Omiai, a meeting arranged by an intermediary with an exchange of files and photographs, accounted for 70% of marriages in the 1930s and under 6% today; it has been replaced by the gōkon (group dinner, as many men as women) and by a whole konkatsu ("marriage hunting") industry: agencies, parties, apps (Pairs, Omiai, Tapple). Faced with falling marriages, local authorities have joined in: the Tokyo metropolitan government launched its own dating app in 2024, Tokyo Enmusubi, requiring a certificate of single status and a tax statement, and dozens of prefectures run subsidised matchmaking events.
China. Xiangqin, a blind date arranged by family or friends, is practised massively around the Lunar New Year, when parents press singles over 27 (the "leftover women", shengnü); in the parks of the big cities — People's Park in Shanghai since 2005, Zhongshan Park in Beijing — marriage markets see parents display their children's CVs (height, degree, salary, flat, hukou). Chinese apps dominate (Tantan, Momo, Soul, the matrimonial sites Jiayuan and Baihe); Tinder is unreachable without a VPN, and the gay apps Blued and Finka were shut down in November 2025. The "bride price" (caili) demanded by the woman's family reaches several years' salary in some rural areas.
South Korea. Sogaeting — a one-to-one date set up by a mutual friend — and the meeting (group outing) remain the main routes, with paid matchmaking agencies (Duo, Gayeon) and, since 2023, dating events organised by city halls (Seongnam) to revive the world's lowest birth rate.
Indonesia and Malaysia. Ta'aruf, Islamic courtship supervised by a third party without one-to-one meetings, coexists with widely used apps; Grindr is blocked in Indonesia.

Africa: the group, the bride price and the church

Two families gather in a Ghanaian courtyard for an introduction ceremony around a young couple in matching outfits — In sub-Saharan Africa, meeting is free, but the family must approve the marriage.

Almost everywhere in sub-Saharan Africa, meeting is free but marriage is not: the family must approve, the bride price (lobola in southern Africa, mahr in Muslim areas) must be negotiated, and the "introduction ceremony" — in Nigeria, in Uganda (kwanjula), in Ghana (knocking) — precedes any union. People meet at weddings and funerals, the great social events, in church and mosque youth groups, at university, at the market. Apps (Tinder, Badoo, Bumble) are widely used in the capitals — Lagos, Nairobi, Accra, Johannesburg, Kampala — but wariness of scams is high; in countries where homosexuality is repressed (Uganda, Nigeria, Cameroon, Ghana), apps also serve as traps. In the Maghreb, people meet within families, at weddings and at university, with a double digital life: Tinder works, but relationships outside marriage are an offence in Morocco (article 490) and Algeria. The page International dating and the country pages detail each country.

Latin America: the party and the family

In a festive Mexican courtyard, a young couple dances under the garlands in front of the gathered family. — In Latin America, people meet at family parties, and the family keeps a say.

Meeting is free and festive — family parties, the quinceañera that marks a girl's entry into society in Mexico, dances, Argentine boliches, carnival, parishes — the family keeps a say, and apps are everywhere: Brazil is Tinder's second-largest market, Mexico and Colombia follow. Cuba is the exception, with mobile internet only since 2018 and meetings that still go through the neighbourhood and the family.

Europe and North America: the internet first

In a British pub on a rainy evening, a red-haired man and a woman in a burgundy jumper laugh among a group of friends — The internet comes first, but details vary: the British meet at the pub.

In the United States the internet has been the first route since 2013 and accounts for nearly 40% of new couples; in the UK, Ireland, Canada and Australia it comes first or second behind friends, while workplace and studies recede. The differences are in the details: the British meet in the pub and at university, the Irish through friends and the GAA club, Americans through friends and church far more than Europeans, Australians through sport and the pub, the French at private parties, the Germans in clubs (Vereine) and sport, the Spanish and Italians in the childhood friendship group. In Eastern Europe and Russia family and work still weigh, local sites (Mamba, Badoo) dominate and Tinder left Russia in 2023. Everywhere marriage recedes and comes later — 33 on average for a first union in northern Europe.

Where online dating does not exist, or barely

North Korea: no open internet; marriages arranged by families and the work unit.
Afghanistan: since 2021 the Taliban have banned all mixing; marriages are arranged and often forced (see Forced marriage).
Iran: only the state app Hamdam is lawful.
Pakistan: Tinder, Grindr and three other apps blocked since 2020.
China: Western apps unreachable, gay apps closed.
Turkmenistan, Eritrea: internet rare and monitored.
Egypt, Uganda, Nigeria, Cameroon: apps exist but serve as traps for gay people.

Further reading: speed dating, singles events, specialised meetups, dating sites and apps and couples and religion.

Text prepared with artificial intelligence, reviewed by the AffectionPlus team (method: About). Spotted an error? Write to us.