What happens between two people once the meeting is over: daily life, money, distance, the years going by. Six pages on the ordinary mechanics of living together.
A study by Yonsei University (South Korea) and US researchers compares married couples. Daily conversation time is a key factor: the more spouses talk, the less sexually inactive they are, with a stronger link in South Korea. Age increases inactivity everywhere, and income is more protective in the United States.
The reality show Love Is Blind, whose only married couple this season has just been revealed to be divorcing, reopens the debate on how solid couples formed in the spotlight are.
If things are going well and you want them to last, start with
making a relationship last. If the tension is about
organisation, everyday life as a couple is more
direct. If it is about money, one of the subjects that comes up most often and gets settled least, money and couples sets out the three
or four decisions that are better made explicitly.
And if you cannot tell whether you are going through a bad patch or something else, the
questionnaire a rough patch, or a real problem?
settles it in seven questions.
Content updated in . The instruments cited can change: if in doubt, confirm with the official source given.
Text written with the help of AI, under the editorial responsibility of CAPIT. Human reviews are occasional (method: About). Spotted an error? Write to us.
What wears it down, and what holds
When people who have split up explain why their separation happened, they do not
start with a spectacular event. In the British Natsal-3 survey, 706 men and 1,254 women
who had experienced, in the previous five years, the end of a marriage or a cohabitation most
often cited growing apart (39% of men, 36% of women), arguments
(27% and 30%), infidelity (18% and 24%) and a lack of respect or appreciation
(17% and 25%) (Gravningen et al., 2017).
Several answers were allowed, and each person gave a little under two on average.
These figures call for caution: they come from statements made after the fact, in Great Britain,
and they describe what people say, not what caused the break-up. "Growing apart" is the most cited reason,
but it is a phrase that sums up more than it explains. Domestic violence was cited by 16% of
women and 4% of men (same study): if fear enters the relationship, it is no longer a simple subject of
disagreement, and the help to look for is not the same.
The three subjects that each have their own page here (sharing the chores, money, the feeling of no longer being seen)
should therefore not be presented as "the" causes of separation. Money (7% of men, 12% of women) and
the sharing of housework (7% and 14%) come behind the four reasons above (same study).
They are common places where wear and tear sets in, and places where you can act.
Money: not the most frequent, but the one that drags on
In a study in which one hundred married couples kept a diary of their arguments at home (748 conflicts recorded),
money was not the most common subject; but money conflicts were more pervasive, more recurrent and
more often left unresolved than the others
(Papp et al., 2009).
In an American survey that followed more than 4,500 couples, financial disagreements predicted divorce better
than other kinds of disagreement
(Dew et al., 2012).
Both studies are American and observe associations. The page money and couples goes through the decisions to make.
Chores: an imbalance that lasts
In France, in 2010, women did 71% of the housework and 65% of the parenting work
(Champagne, Pailhé and Solaz, Insee, 2015).
This is the latest Insee Time Use survey whose results have been published; a new round of data collection, 2025-2026, is under way
(Insee, Time Use survey).
What the figure says: on average, the load is not shared equally. What it does not say: whether your couple makes it
a source of tension, which depends on what each person finds fair. Everyday life as a couple suggests
ways of talking about it.
What helps you hold on: getting through stress together
A meta-analysis of 72 samples drawn from 57 studies (17,856 participants) links satisfaction in the couple to the
way partners cope with stress together: telling each other you are stressed, helping each other, looking for a solution together.
The average correlation is 0.45 (Falconier et al., 2015).
A correlation does not say which comes first: satisfied couples may simply find it easier to help each other. But the finding is
consistent with what the rest of this section shows: what matters is less the absence of tension than the way of getting through it.
When to ask for help
If the disagreements concern a separation, family mediation exists: the information meeting is free and
commits you to nothing, and mediation is not possible if one parent has committed violence against the other or against the child
(Service-Public, page checked on 1 October 2025).
Getting help as a couple presents the other forms of support.
