Oral sex
Like any sexual practice, it only makes sense if both people want it: it is not an obligation, not proof of love, and not a box to tick at a particular point in a relationship. Practically, the sensation comes from the movement of lips and tongue on the glans and frenulum, keeping teeth out of it. As elsewhere, saying what feels good — rhythm, pressure, duration — beats guesswork.
STI risk
Oral sex transmits several sexually transmitted infections — herpes, gonorrhoea, syphilis, HPV, and HIV to a much lesser degree. Throat gonorrhoea in particular is often symptomless and increasingly resistant to antibiotics. Condoms and dental dams reduce the risk. See sexually transmitted infections.
Anal sex
The anal area is richly innervated in both sexes, which is why it can be a source of pleasure, whether through external touch or penetration. Unlike the vagina, the anus produces no natural lubrication: generous use of lubricant (water- or silicone-based) is essential to avoid micro-tears, along with a slow, responsive approach.
- Condoms are particularly advisable here: the anal lining is more fragile and more prone to small bleeds, which raises HIV and hepatitis risk.
- Never push through pain: persistent pain means slow down, change position or stop.
- Anything used anally — fingers, toys — should not then touch the vagina without being cleaned, to avoid infection.
- Toys used anally should have a flared base.
Consent, always
Both practices, like every other, must remain free choices that can be withdrawn at any time: having agreed once commits you to nothing next time, and hesitation or a no must be respected without pressure. See consent.
Frequently asked questions
Can you catch an STI from oral sex?
Yes. Gonorrhoea, chlamydia, syphilis, herpes and HPV all transmit through oral sex, and throat infections are frequently symptomless, which is exactly why they spread. Condoms and dental dams reduce the risk substantially, and if you have unprotected oral sex, ask for throat and rectal swabs when you are tested — a urine test alone misses these.
What makes anal sex safer?
Plenty of lubricant, going slowly, and stopping if it hurts — pain is a signal, not something to push through. The tissue there does not self-lubricate and tears easily, and those micro-tears are what make it the highest-risk route for HIV. A condom, changed before moving to anything else, is the single most useful precaution.
How do you talk about it without making it awkward?
Away from the bedroom, and as a question rather than a request: what someone is curious about, what they would rather not, what they have tried. The conversation is easier when nobody has to decide anything on the spot, and the answer “not for me” needs no justification.